A Muslim wedding is a simple and dignified occasion. It enjoins a man
and a woman entitling them husband and wife, a new couple, who are
about to embark on a journey of a lifetime together.
Though Prophet Muhammad taught his followers to keep weddings simple,
the infringements of cultures upon Islamic teachings have led weddings
to become extravagant events, gaudy and sometimes extremely pompous.
For the modern Muslim who looks beyond tradition, there are still
several aspects to consider when planning a wedding in the Islamic
faith. Here are some common traps to avoid falling into:
Spending too much money – This makes sense since
weddings only last for one day and marriage is supposed to last forever.
Therefore, instead of splurging to serve society’s expectations, save
up to buy a house or go for Hajj together in the future.
The walimaa (wedding feast) is very much a recommended
ceremony so a bit of money should be spent on a simple but generous meal
in order to treat friends and family.
Expenses that are imposed by tradition rather than Islam provide debt
and opportunity to rear its head. Popular traditions include the
overdone bridal chamber; expensive presents from one spouse to the
other; remuneration to the bride’s parents. Others would also be
extravagant “thank you” goody bags for the guests, cans of new paint to
repaint the house, the projector and slide show, the loud band and
horrendous music; the customized dress-code for the entire extended
family; multiple dinners and a lavish dais to show off the bride and
groom.
Asking for too much Mahr– In Islam, the Mahr
is the mandated gift from the groom to his wife. He presents it to her
at the time of the nikah (solemnization of vows) or later, as agreed
between them. The actual gift is also upon agreement between the two,
and belongs to the bride alone. Should she decide to give away her
present or share it with her spouse, she is entitled to do so.
The Mahr varies across cultures. It is not supposed to be a
stipulated monetary amount, but is fast becoming the norm in Muslim
countries. Though this is the right of the bride, Prophet Muhammad
advised that the best bride requests for the smallest amount; even an
iron ring would suffice as a Mahr. For obvious reasons, the
lessor the amount, the less burden it would be on the groom. It would
also curb materialistic wants that would overshadow the importance of
love and respect within the marriage.
Not concentrating on the nikah– The nikah
represents the simple solemnization of vows whereby the marriage
contract is quickly enacted. Some traditions however decide to
complicate the beautiful moment by imposing different types of
activities that take away the glow of the nikah itself.
Not listening to the sermon – A short sermon is
normally given by the imam (religious leader) during the
nikah. The blessings of listening to the sermon are equal to the
rewards of listening to a Friday prayer sermon. Besides, the sermon is a
quick reminder of rights and responsibilities of the new couple towards
one another. It acts as advice for some and a refreshment course for
those in marital bliss.
Overdressing or underdressing the couple – It may
sound unusual but Muslims sometimes forget that couples are to beautify
themselves for each other and not for everyone else. That is applicable
right after the nikah. It is important for the couple to appear
presentable. However, presentation should not be traded in for modesty.
Both should observe Hijab (the prescribed Muslim dress code)
and behave in a modest manner too.
Serving non-permissible refreshments – Alcohol is
prohibited at all times and so are a small number of edibles. Though
alcoholic drinks are always associated with merriment and thus,
weddings, a Muslim wedding should not serve alcohol as an alternative to
orange juice.
Forgetting to invite the poor to the walimaa – The
poor are the noble men and women in Islam, and not the rich and
powerful, politicians, members of the royal family, bosses and / or
sponsors. There is a great reward for inviting the poor, including
orphans, to dine together as they need it more than the wealthy.